Running thoughts # 2
I am working at a massage parlour at the moment and working alongside a real mix of young beautiful girls, I am the eldest here so that fills my mind. They are all busy and I am not, just sitting in my van writing. I am trying to process my jealousy and my want for money and clients. It is an interesting process of moving through my own insecurities to be able to understand the way things are. Men are type driven and always will be they already know what look they are going for and so there is not much I can do or say ? Be alluring and sexy ha ha I am more like a teacher than a submissive soft girl. Not everyone likes a powerful woman that’s for sure.
I have had some great connections at work. I walked into the room one evening to see this beautiful Asian man, tall and graceful with amazing smooth skin. I was so pleasantly surprised, I was almost purring as I manoeuvred around the room getting things ready for our session. I returned and we started talking, as I massaged his silky-smooth skin. So lovely to touch and he smelt so good as well. He was interested in horses ,not sure how we got on the subject but there you go. I had to make an effort to stop talking and re center our energy. I really enjoyed touching him and he wanted to make me come also. This is definitely a perk of the job. I get payed to come its great.
He was very talented and kept making me squirt. I really enjoyed his body as he did mine. The difference it makes when there is a true attraction is unbelievable. I even allowed him to go down on me, as he was so talented with his fingers. I couldn’t wait to feel his tongue. And to think I used to work for a living.
In my personal life I had some sad news that the magical man I was lucky enough to spend time with, started a new relationship, even after he said he didn’t want a relationship. Should it be said he didn’t want to have a relationship with me?? I am not taking things so personally these days, but I do wonder what vibes I give off. I have no time myself for a relationship at the moment but still it hurt, I thought that maybe he would wait and actually be on his own for a little while, but men just can’t do that. Also, he is so special that all the women want to spend time with him. I am gutted and keep thinking about it, the connection we had how I thought it felt stronger and more beautiful than any other I have had to date. How can I get it so wrong?
Oh these things, I just don’t know at this moment what is the lesson here? learning to let go learning to trust, that a man more magical will come into my life. I am inspired he really did ignite a flame under me, to be true to my passions and my loves. Do you have to fight for a man like that? Do you need to go above and beyond to keep one like that. I am not good at any of this. I feel so sexually turned on that maybe that is all the energy they see. I am so much more than just that and I also I am as loyal as a Labrador when I am with a man. I did work the lesson out and it was this, If they do not put enough effort into you then just walk away.
Thats enough of my musings now. Thank you my sweets my love to you all xx