Diary Enty #1

Hello you beautiful People, I am sitting and contemplating things as I wait for a beautiful magic man to arrive.  We have been messaging and getting each other excited for some time now.  It has been really hot.  I am so turned on and can’t wait to feel him against me.  His beautiful, tanned skin on mine his hard large cock pushing against me.  Hmmm the thought just gives me tingles. On a serious note everyone has been talking about not wanting a relationship.  I have been thinking about this, I think what we are all saying is that we don’t want to have the same relationship as we have had before.  That’s it isn’t it that we do not want to be co-dependent, ruled by jealousy and insecurities.

So back to me now sitting at the top of a hill on the outskirts of a city waiting for a man to arrive.  Should I be playing it cool and not telling him how hot he makes me.  So many things I am told make a high value woman and it seems like it means not having sex till you find your “soul” mate.  This I disagree with you can have good connections and great casual sex you just need to pick well and not be drunk.  As a fiery woman I am lead to believe that I want more sex than the average, so I must find depth in the lovers I have.   I am also not needing a relationship at this point of my life as I have to concentrate on me, but funny how if I was given a chance by one of my lovers I would probably try.  Am I sub consciencely trying to make sure I only go for men that don’t want a relationship???.  Who knows but my god these men are divine in so many ways.

I am all freshly waxed, my skin is silky smooth, I am so ready to feel his touch.  Maybe this is the best way you do not live together you come together when you are both in need.  In herds of animals this is the case well for horses anyway the mares decide when the stallion can come visit.

I like the idea of that all the ideals we are living with,  don’t seem to fit at all. Ideas of marriage and monogamy and one love?  I just ponder the questions at this point as I do not yet have the answers.  One thing I do know is that I am very different from most people, the things I have seen and done are rather out there for most people.  Curiosity didn’t kill me thankfully, but it definitely pushed me to my limits.  I wanted to experience everything in my younger years. Now I am looking to go deeper into me, so I do not need to be anywhere else.

I have been really thinking about the country I chose to live in, why I want to stay here.  I do think it is because it feels safe, it feels comfortable and healing.  For me to be my true sexual self would be dangerous in other parts of the world. Here the men are so beautiful and kind and very used to strong women.  I can be admired without being taken.  The idea of looking for safety has only just occurred to me, strange what writing can unlock in your brain.  Yes I need to be safe and here I can do that without a man just with friends and lovers. Here he comes and I am so full of anticipation it crazy.

So what is interesting is that after building the sexual tension up and getting fully excited.  We are still the creatures we are and need gentle touch and connection.  Maybe just admitting that we are humans that need a deep friendship before the wild sexual stuff.  We lay we cuddled and then we slowly moved into the things that had been promised in our steamy sexting.  I love to use stories and scenarios to teach my lovers or partners what I want and like.  As you can see, I am a very comfortable writer and so find it exciting and also informative for them to know what I want.  It also really turns me on writing about all the sexy things I will enjoy with that partner.

I believe that we cannot separate the sexual desire from the need for connection and kindness.  No one wants to be fucked, do they? is it my age? Have I grown softer with age? Many questions.  I have always said that it is not possible to connect sexually without connection.  All the boys that try this will not kiss you or cuddle you or look at you and all of these things equate to connection.  Those people trying to have a connection without it are just fooling themselves.  Sex is the sharing of energy and the connection of two people so you cannot do it without developing a connection.  Seems obvious doesn’t it.  My Love you all xx